These notes are taken from a sermon by Robert Ferguson recently. I thought they might prove helpful to some.
John Elderidge in his book Wild At Heart notes that there are three key things that drive a mans heart:
1. He wants a battle to win
2. He wants a beauty to rescue
3. He wants an adventure to live.
Behind every successful man is a successful woman. These are some things that help a man succeed that we as women can help them with:
1. Inspire him to be spiritual. Feminine spirituality looks different from mens spirituality. Telling him how to be spiritual is wrong and unhelpful. Don't nag him into it. By being consistent in doing the things that are an example of your own walk with God, he will be encouraged to create his own spiritual life.
2. Allow him to be separate. Men like their own company, it's the Elastic Band theory that allowing him to have his own space will encourage him to spend quality time with you and his family. Being solitary is important to a man (Shepherds were solitary often). By suffocating him, not allowing him that space he will feel a prisoner instead of a partner.
3. Expect him to be singular. That means different from you. Desire and encourage him to be different. Trying to mould him into what you want him to be (more like you) will push him away.
4. Affirm him for being skillful. A man needs his wife to be his biggest encourager a cheerleader in his life. Men want people in their world who sing their praises, not pull them down in front of others. Recognised his big and small acheivements. If you think someone else is you're mistaken.
5. Encourage him to speak into other peoples lives. Men fail because they allow things to happen that shouldn't have happen (See Larry Crabb's book the Silence of Adam). Women need to be cautious that they don't speak too often and leave no room for their men to speak.
6. Men need to be responsible for telling stories to the next generation (of men especially). Encourage him to tell stories to your children and great children. The phrase "when I was your age" should be a time when he gets full attention not eyes rolling or told not to bore people.
7. Forgive him for being selfish. Men are selfish (Ephesians 5) The sin of man is the opposite of love (selfishness). The Sin of women is the opposite of submission (control).
8. Motivate him to be safe. Men's great desire is to protect. Women want to feel safe. But don't tell or nag or preach him into it. (see story of 1 Samuel 30)
9. Attract him to have sex. Men want to share themselves with another. It's more than physical for them too.
10. Support him in his part of the story. Understand that a womans desire is to create a home (drawing those around her home). Men push people away they want to discover and return to a home, then go discover and return again. So there is alway a tension between these two things. Encourage each other to fulfill each purpose.
11. Pray for him to be significant. Everyone wants to be this, but men want to make a difference, even if you don't think he does.
12. Encourage your daughters to know all these things, so that they can build great relationships and have realistic expectations.
